Spending time with Jesus and his pet dinosaur...

"Should I wear it or not?"


We were sitting in the parking lot of the newest weapon in the fundamentalists attack on main stream science: The Creation Museum.The place had kinda snuck up on us, as we had misread the map. Jahi, my navigator, had told me we had an hour to get there when we really were there in less than ten minutes. She had confused the map to my cousins with the map to the museum.

"No, I don't think you should."

Our current debate was over my t-shirt. It was bright blue with "NUKE A GODLESS COMMUNIST GAY BABY SEAL FOR CHRIST" printed across the chest. I pointed out that no one really reads it, and even if they do, 99% don't even get it. She was adamant that I attract enough weirdos as it is and that shirt would just draw them in.


"Nah, I'll go hardcore. You know, I'll refuse to make eye contact and only respond in low monosyllable barks. Works with the homeless!"

We gathered our courage, for some unexplainable reason we were both frightened to join the throngs lining up in front. There were tour groups, singing hymns, families, and just a mass of humanity moving towards the museum entrance. The security had the most sheriff looking uniforms I had ever seen, even equipped with side arms. I can't say for sure if it was a police officer with a Creation Museum badge on his shoulder or just a really official looking rent-a-cop.


We had both filled out our forms that saved us five dollars. I gladly gave my name and address, as I was hoping to get some kick ass propaganda from them. Once we got into the building, we had to wait in a line for about twenty minutes before we got the ticket counter. The lobby was very tall, and pretty narrow. There were various movie poster style picture frames hanging about and a couple assembled skeletons, one was a dinosaur and another was a rhino. The whole inside wall was made to look like stone. Jahi was bitching that I was taking the whole don't talk to me vibe to a "whole 'nother level." Frankly, lines and me don't mix, nor do I find crowds that pleasing to stand among, less so when I know that this crowd, for the most part, would have disapproved of me and my opinions...


Honestly I had expected more evidence. Shit like those Paluxy fossil footprints of man being criss crossed with a dinosaurs. But no, and I am not shitting you, I can sum up the museum just like this...

1. This is what science says about *insert topic of contention*
2. But, what if science is wrong?
3. This is what the bible says.

For all intents and purposes the museum capitalizes on the religious-minded's mistrust of science and its theories on time. The Bible says the earth is around 6,000 to 10,000 years old. That the fossils that man has found were actually buried during the great flood that God swept down upon his creation. Those bones are not, as science wrongly teaches, millions of years old, but just a few thousand. The language, as well, was very crafty. Everything that was talked about was designed. The eye was designed, this planet was designed, etc...


This wouldn't be so sad to see, if it wasn't for the throngs of little ones being dazzled by the smoke and mirrors. Everyone had that slick wholesome preppie look, and we were clearly marked other. I got a couple o' thumbs up and "cool" whispered at me about my faux-hawk, mostly by bored looking tweens, but the place was full of church groups. The kind of people that seem to easily glance at you disapprovingly.


The museum was a mix of video clips playing, odd art (like Graffiti Alley) and full size replicas, sometimes moving, of animals/dinosaurs/humans. The humans were always in biblical dioramas. Like Adam and Eve frolicking with lambs, prehistoric zebra horse, uh, things, dinosaurs and that obligatory snake. I got to see how God-oh, since I am here, on God, I'll mention how the speakers always loudly played and when you walked between exhibits you were nailed by this cacophony of God, God, god, GOD this and that coming from both rooms...where the fuck was I...oh, yeah, um, there was the garden, Caine murder, that big boat, that was badass with Noah loading dinosaurs onboard, and I think that was most of the big ones.


Well, the Noah one was a miniature. The truly large Ark, some queer life sized walk through object with all types of workers hammering and, well, working, the women were locked in a cage and some shady model was standing behind this pillar, all dark and serious looking, and not working. This is where Jahi said this funniest quip of the trip...I was all like what the fuck is shady up to there and she quipped back, "He's the lookout for the roaming maneating dinosaurs." God, she is badass.

By this point, about 2 1/2 hours into our tour, we were starting to get hungry, and we didn't want to support this fiasco with anymore of our cash, so we were fairly happy to get to the end. The end of the tour dumped us out into the "Dragon's Den" or lair, or, something, "Bookstore." There seemed to be this unpromoted thread that dragons were dinosaurs, and they even had a few DVDs in the bookstore selling that point. We bought a magnet with the seven Cs, a strong theme, let me see if I can google'em:

CREATION: God created galaxies, solar systems, and planets in six days.

CORRUPTION: The entrance of sin into the world brought about sickness and death in our once perfect world.

CATASTROPHE: Sin was the natural progression of man in his fallen state and the global flood destroyed all, except for Noah, his family, and the animals on the ark.

CONFUSION: Following the flood, man again disobeyed God, and people began to spread across the earth, speaking their own languages.

CHRIST & THE CROSS: Because sin brings about death, God sent his son Jesus to die in our place and rise again to defeat death. Jesus' crucifixion was his act of paying the sin debt for all.

CONSUMMATION: God promises in Scripture to do away with the corruption of man by creating a new heaven and a new earth where death and suffering no longer exist for those who have followed Jesus Christ.

We also purchased a small pin with Noah's ark having a couple of triceratops being loaded up. That was it so we wandered out to get a last shot of some Neandertal feeding a carrot to a bunny, while his pet dinosaur kept watch out.